For the context, see the narrative of Joseph at Genesis 37-50.  These comments are in response to Joseph seeing his brothers for the first time at Genesis 42. 

• Shock – the dream is fulfilled! His brothers are bowing down to him!

• Instant recognition

• He has not forgotten
• Time has not erased the painful memories, no matter how long ago, no matter all of the other good and bad things that have transpired
• The hurt is still there
• Like a flood, it all comes back

• Pretends to be a stranger

• Buying time to figure this out?
• Passive aggressive – you destroyed me and our relationship, and now that I have the power, I will not repay evil with good, but with a power play of my own. I will decide on my terms if and when to restore the relationship,

• Does not act rashly

• Self-control
• Patient
• Wisdom
• Not giving into impulses
• More analytical than instinctive

• He speaks harshly 

• Out of role playing, still pretending to be a stranger?
• Out of anger?
• Is he considering revenge as an option?
  • Absolute freedom and authority to do whatever he wants. He could
    • Send them back empty handed
    • Make them slaves, or better yet, make them his slaves. After all, that is what they did to him. Why wouldn’t that be fair?
    • Torture them. They deserve it. They would have left him to die a slow death of dehydration and starvation
    • Incarcerate them
    • Kill them

or

• Love them and meet their needs

Agh! This is a crisis of decision

• He interrogates them – Where are you from?

• Still buying time?
• Testing them to see if they will be honest?

• He remembers his dreams

• Torment, as this juxtaposes the joy of fulfillment of God’s promises against the pain of what brought him here and the power he now has for revenge

• He challenges them – You are spies

• This evokes more explanation
• This reveals what he was probably dying to know – are his father and brother Benjamin still alive and well?

• Sends for Benjamin

• The possibility of reconciliation begins to dawn

• He hears them confess

• But they are not confessing to him; they do not know he understands their language
• Yet, he sees their heart

• He weeps

• He is broken and hurting
• He faces a crisis: the dilemma of revenge versus reconciliation
• He wants reconciliation. But part of him also wants revenge, mistakenly thought of as justice. He cannot have both. Which will he choose?

• He relents from keeping all but one, and keeps only one, Reuben, the oldest, and sends back all of the others, with grain, with their money

• A real step toward reconciliation
• Vengeance forsaken

In a broken relationship, it is the wounded, the one with real power, that must take the initiative toward reconciliation.

Joseph does not engineer this. It is presented to him. It is not easy. It is agonizing. But he comes prepared. When the situation arises, he chooses well.